Getting a little loopy

I'm a total waste when it comes to this up late malarkey.
Its 12:46 in the am of thursday and i'm bushed.

I'm back home for the holiday; trying to gather together the rather daunting list of novels(unt only novels) i need to read for the classes i'm taking next semester... woo for being a student again! i'm also vaguely encouraging my body to stop holding so steadfastly to the calories i'm so enthusiastically throwing into it. i blame my parents for loving me and wanting me to be well fed. and the government...i blame them too.

i've started drinking beverages of an alcoholic bent recently, i dunno if i've said that on here yet. it feels like a cross between the submission to an inevitable step forward alongside some sort of sullying of personal scruple. i think its something more akin to abandoning the hyper-romantic notion that i'm special for what i dont let meself do as apposed to being special for what i set out to accomplish...make sense?

i have an audition for the Contemporary American Theatre Festival this friday and i'm at the same time pumped as scared shitless. i've not done a proper audition in ages and this is one of the companies that helped cement my desire to become an actor professional-e...so theres that.

i'm exited to see faify and erika and their friends and roomates and romances though i fear that ever looming possibility of "we've all changed so much since then" and that we'll all aknowledge what had made us friends and now see between ourselves and those qualities the scabs and plaque of years or months or tragedy or growth or or some other change or obscurity...we'll see.

happy holidays to everyone and heres hoping theres so much cell phone static on january 20th that the whole damn grid collapses and President Obama can claim the throne of the newly de-technologied united states of Semaphores.

P.S. i wanna see you too, steph, but the lack of distance dulls the fear of changes in personality...weird, no?