Catching the bug

by nature i'm very out-going and sociable: i try to ingratiate myself to whomever i'm with by being easy going and fun. sometimes it works and sometimes it just puts people off: makes them think i'm being fake when really i'm just too damn enthusiastic.

i've been watching allot of tv, reading allot of books, watching many movies...none of them have cheered me up...well except for Terry. terry does wonders for me and my rain cloud o' sullen.

i want to create something profound so i can feel as if i've GAINED anything from this huge media influx but all i can seem to do is become more and more agoraphobic and eat less food and more Junk. i just watched a patchwork re-creation of the last major season of House and it was wierd. i got the readers digest version of the huge o'er arcing over plot that persists beyond the daily "them's the sickies, make with the fixies" malarkey that keeps the med students interested...i have to say that it was jarring to watch not only my own interest flicker and flare alongside the heart rate monitors little blippy thing but to wonder at how the audience of the season paced display of all this could have been...so much death and antagonism, lost friendships and gained vicadin (this may be a mispelling but the spellcheck here is no help and i'm damned if the government gets to check me for porn AND the proper spelling of controlled substances)...dont read phillip k dick, william gibson, kurt vonnegut, terry pratchett, tom stoppard, jason robert brown, joe conrad and goddamn toni morrison all in the same break that you freebase House with Mr. Brooks and saving private ryan...it just doesnt mesh.

bah! i'm sleepy and will write more...Later *wooo*

Getting a little loopy

I'm a total waste when it comes to this up late malarkey.
Its 12:46 in the am of thursday and i'm bushed.

I'm back home for the holiday; trying to gather together the rather daunting list of novels(unt only novels) i need to read for the classes i'm taking next semester... woo for being a student again! i'm also vaguely encouraging my body to stop holding so steadfastly to the calories i'm so enthusiastically throwing into it. i blame my parents for loving me and wanting me to be well fed. and the government...i blame them too.

i've started drinking beverages of an alcoholic bent recently, i dunno if i've said that on here yet. it feels like a cross between the submission to an inevitable step forward alongside some sort of sullying of personal scruple. i think its something more akin to abandoning the hyper-romantic notion that i'm special for what i dont let meself do as apposed to being special for what i set out to accomplish...make sense?

i have an audition for the Contemporary American Theatre Festival this friday and i'm at the same time pumped as scared shitless. i've not done a proper audition in ages and this is one of the companies that helped cement my desire to become an actor professional-e...so theres that.

i'm exited to see faify and erika and their friends and roomates and romances though i fear that ever looming possibility of "we've all changed so much since then" and that we'll all aknowledge what had made us friends and now see between ourselves and those qualities the scabs and plaque of years or months or tragedy or growth or or some other change or obscurity...we'll see.

happy holidays to everyone and heres hoping theres so much cell phone static on january 20th that the whole damn grid collapses and President Obama can claim the throne of the newly de-technologied united states of Semaphores.

P.S. i wanna see you too, steph, but the lack of distance dulls the fear of changes in personality...weird, no?