Ripped open and naked i throw myself against an apathetic wall who deigns to recognize but never fall.
Cold as the stone's which reared her i chill my passions like murdered men waiting for their stories to be told.
Forget me now and leave me later, i'll stay with you because i can.
A man a miniature of body and giant of practice i fall behind his shadow, darkened to focused eyes or concerning love.
Hew my body from the rock quarry of your affection and polish me for a mirror armor shine to distract your Quixote father.
Forget me now and leave me later, i'll stay with you because you ask.
Cast our chances like dice across a player board of state line and mountains to luck and fuck if i know what'll happen.
Bring this to a new place and new faces to impress our un-impressiveness upon them.
Forget me now and leave too, i stayed with you because i could.
Forgotten now and left to leave, i leave myself behind because i must.
I'm in no place to be writing but sometimes it's better to just put it somewhere admit that a part of me want's someone to read this and tell me to chill the fuck out. or read it and tell me that it'll all be okay...sometimes broken love needs to be mended by strangers. oh lord, i'm too drinky for this. goodnight.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Gluttony on the scale of King Gargantua
Masha and i decided that today was a good day to sate both my salty foods craving and her fried chicken craving all in one go: So KFC worked out well.
we bought a twenty dollar party pack, probably intended for like five people, and ate the whole thing in one sitting between us.
because masha is taking a human food and nutrition class she is required to, once during the semester, document her caloric intake and expenditure over the course of four days. that assignment is due tomorrow and today we get to document our daliance into dining disorders.
i, alone, ate almost 2400 calories in a single sitting, not taking into conisderation the delicious coctail of ranch and barbecue sauce i dipped everything in...so lets make it an even 2600 calories in a single sitting. to feel okay about this i'd pretty much need to scale mt. everest with a clone of my tubby ass strapped to my back to properly burn off these calories.
i challenge everyone here(here being the assumed forumn of people who bother to read this, which i know doesn't exist) to document their caloric intake and output and see what you can do to improve their activity vs. consumption level.
peace, love and fried chicken!
we bought a twenty dollar party pack, probably intended for like five people, and ate the whole thing in one sitting between us.
because masha is taking a human food and nutrition class she is required to, once during the semester, document her caloric intake and expenditure over the course of four days. that assignment is due tomorrow and today we get to document our daliance into dining disorders.
i, alone, ate almost 2400 calories in a single sitting, not taking into conisderation the delicious coctail of ranch and barbecue sauce i dipped everything in...so lets make it an even 2600 calories in a single sitting. to feel okay about this i'd pretty much need to scale mt. everest with a clone of my tubby ass strapped to my back to properly burn off these calories.
i challenge everyone here(here being the assumed forumn of people who bother to read this, which i know doesn't exist) to document their caloric intake and output and see what you can do to improve their activity vs. consumption level.
peace, love and fried chicken!
Monday, February 16, 2009
Rapid Fire Blog Week
i'm blogging again today because i seem to have an over active word source this week and i need, more than usual, to say something to someone about anything at all.
Masha is a darling but i find it immoral of me to subject her to every little nuance of my hyperactive imagination...so i'll just imagine that someone reads this thing and placate my need for pedantry here!
HUZZAH!
as i mentioned yesterday, brotherhood 2.0 makes me happy. what is even more entertaining for me is that it all started in january of 2007, which means that posts were happening alongside posts of another video blogger whome i love(d) referred to as ZeFrank (think i mentioned him yesterday too). i bring this up only because in march of 2007, where i've managed to find myself in the chronology, they're referencing Ze. makes me happy.
excellent. now that i'm done with yesterday lets talk about tomorrow which is actually today. i started this blog the 17th and its now the 18th, so theres that.
i'm reading richard wright's Native Son and i'm in a wierd limbo about it...no, thats wrong. it exists for me in the limbo: do i damn the book to the hell of pretentious books i've read in school because i've been assigned them and for no other reason or shall i eleveate it to the lofty paradise of actually Enjoyable books that i was originally assigned and have since found qualities in that i deem (mandate?) enjoyable enough to stay on my "may someday re-read or recommend" shelves.
the main character started off like all the other protagonists of the reading list of my "study of the novel" class: whiney and not possessed of any noticable amount of healthy conflict resolution skills. about a hundred pages in, however, Bigger (our protagonist) has taken on a rather amusing self actualizated attitude towards his life, decisions and the reprecussions of either in this post depression pre world war 2 communist fearing black oppressing america. woo: historically based novels.
i've taken up a podcast called Savage Love; a call and response permutation of Dan Savages syndicated sex advice column. in listening to it my attitudes(reflected in the attitudes of the callers) towards what may be considered sexual deviance have been examined, dissected, and normalized to the point where i'm wondering if exploration in that previously unattractive area of interpersonal relations isnt maybe a goood idea. suggestions? do i solicit my curiosities to my girlfriend or simply wait until i burst onto the new york scene and find someone a bit more professional to solicit myself to and explore it that way? or should i be drawn and quartered for even suggesting such things? oh, by the by, i mention new york as an option because by then masha and i will have graduated from both college and from the pre-planned cessation of our relationship.
about that. am i making a fool of myself by giving up on a relationship thats working and that could, possibly, work longer, just because we've got our differences and cause we have plans that dont coincide? should i drop theatre entirely and find my place alongside her in the peace corps and live a happy, world serving, vagrant's life? of course the question needs be asked that even if i persued this life in earnest, would i be a welcome facet of masha's life in a permanent sense.
well, class needs be attended by someone, so it might as well be this guy. by friends.
Masha is a darling but i find it immoral of me to subject her to every little nuance of my hyperactive imagination...so i'll just imagine that someone reads this thing and placate my need for pedantry here!
HUZZAH!
as i mentioned yesterday, brotherhood 2.0 makes me happy. what is even more entertaining for me is that it all started in january of 2007, which means that posts were happening alongside posts of another video blogger whome i love(d) referred to as ZeFrank (think i mentioned him yesterday too). i bring this up only because in march of 2007, where i've managed to find myself in the chronology, they're referencing Ze. makes me happy.
excellent. now that i'm done with yesterday lets talk about tomorrow which is actually today. i started this blog the 17th and its now the 18th, so theres that.
i'm reading richard wright's Native Son and i'm in a wierd limbo about it...no, thats wrong. it exists for me in the limbo: do i damn the book to the hell of pretentious books i've read in school because i've been assigned them and for no other reason or shall i eleveate it to the lofty paradise of actually Enjoyable books that i was originally assigned and have since found qualities in that i deem (mandate?) enjoyable enough to stay on my "may someday re-read or recommend" shelves.
the main character started off like all the other protagonists of the reading list of my "study of the novel" class: whiney and not possessed of any noticable amount of healthy conflict resolution skills. about a hundred pages in, however, Bigger (our protagonist) has taken on a rather amusing self actualizated attitude towards his life, decisions and the reprecussions of either in this post depression pre world war 2 communist fearing black oppressing america. woo: historically based novels.
i've taken up a podcast called Savage Love; a call and response permutation of Dan Savages syndicated sex advice column. in listening to it my attitudes(reflected in the attitudes of the callers) towards what may be considered sexual deviance have been examined, dissected, and normalized to the point where i'm wondering if exploration in that previously unattractive area of interpersonal relations isnt maybe a goood idea. suggestions? do i solicit my curiosities to my girlfriend or simply wait until i burst onto the new york scene and find someone a bit more professional to solicit myself to and explore it that way? or should i be drawn and quartered for even suggesting such things? oh, by the by, i mention new york as an option because by then masha and i will have graduated from both college and from the pre-planned cessation of our relationship.
about that. am i making a fool of myself by giving up on a relationship thats working and that could, possibly, work longer, just because we've got our differences and cause we have plans that dont coincide? should i drop theatre entirely and find my place alongside her in the peace corps and live a happy, world serving, vagrant's life? of course the question needs be asked that even if i persued this life in earnest, would i be a welcome facet of masha's life in a permanent sense.
well, class needs be attended by someone, so it might as well be this guy. by friends.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Long Time Gone
So i've ignored this thing with about as much fervor as one might expect a techno savvy white middle class male with a hypographia problem to NOT ignore his Web-Log...i suppose i've just been loathe to let myself ramble on and on as is my self serving way. oh well.
i've discovered a few things in these past months (weeks, however long its been since i've written here)
1. Red Stripe Jamaican Lager
2. Stella Artois Belgian Lager
3. Brotherhood 2.0
4. The occasional joys of recreational marijuana use (perhaps this would be better phrased of the joys of occasional marijuana use...yesh)
5. Guy Gavriel Kay's novel "The Last Light of the Sun"
6. Girl Talk's CD "Feed the Animals"
First, and i suppose second; its been a trial and tribulation for me to find any kind of beer that i like. mixed drinks have been a friend to me since i started drinking because with the liberal application of liqueur and monin flavored sugar one could mask the taste or unrefined oil as easily as one could Vodka. since i've been sampling the various ales, lagers, beers, whatevers of the various countries i've found that i prefer it if americans had little to do with its creation. Guiness, Red Stripe (num), and Stella Artois are a few, though i do like Sam Adams: White Ale but i dont consider boston an american city so much as a very far removed english province.
Next, which is in fact third, is the Brotherhood 2.0. i've found that i'm taken with video blogs. a couple years ago i cranked through ZeFranks video blog and loved every minute of it. i've now found Brotherhood 2.0; a video blog between two brothers intended to take the place of any textual communication over the course of a year. one is an award winning young adults author and the other is a blogger and web master, so they're both very well read and verbose, so i enjoy watching them entertain each other.
Fourth. Weed. i've fallen a good deal further from my raised family and religious ideals than i ever expected, but honestly i've found that taking life a little more at face value and allowing that the afterlife will be what it is and i am, at least at this stage of my life, satisfied to let this world and then next do as they please so long as they let me do the same. i've given up on a religion that has turned to proselytizing and continues to hold of on acknowledging gay marriage. i have taken allot from religion but i think that as far as my personal ethics are concerned i'll mix and match from now on. i cannot abide a dogma that, in the same breath, advocates the acceptance of all men, women, and children then deny's women place in the highest echelons of administration and gay's valid participation in the community of the faith.
okay, lets amend four as my discovery of my agnosticism. FIVE is weed. its fun, i enjoy it, and once i can get my mitts on a vaporizer it will be a truly harmless vacation for about 20$. i'm far from a pothead, but i'm not afraid of accepting this stuff into my life.
six (what would have been five) is the novel. i'm taking two reading intensive courses in this, my last semester of undergrad, and one of them is a sci-fi/fantasy course. our first book was a contemporary novel of an alternate world almost a perfect mirror of ours in the time of king alfred and his fighting off of the viking hordes. this one has faeries and magic in but i think that kay's approach to pro's is at the same time epic, while tongue and cheek enough with the seriousness of the situations that he can make you laugh just after you were cheering for your favorite hero. oh, thats another thing: he's got like four heroes and all of them are sympathetic, and at one point or another they'll be pitted against one or another of each other...heh, fuck you grammar. anyway. he composes his story in a world entirely without some outside malevolent force directing the actions of its characters. there is neither Goodness, nor Evil: simply human choice and motive. recommended indeed.
Girl talk is one of my favorite DJ's. of course i think he's one of the only DJ's i actively listen to, but he's wonderful. he takes mainstream pop music and mixes it masterfully with rap and R&B beats and lyrics so even the whitest of white boys (me) will bounce his ghe-to booty like he's being paid by the jiggle.
love to all, and i hope you're having as much fun as i am.
i've discovered a few things in these past months (weeks, however long its been since i've written here)
1. Red Stripe Jamaican Lager
2. Stella Artois Belgian Lager
3. Brotherhood 2.0
4. The occasional joys of recreational marijuana use (perhaps this would be better phrased of the joys of occasional marijuana use...yesh)
5. Guy Gavriel Kay's novel "The Last Light of the Sun"
6. Girl Talk's CD "Feed the Animals"
First, and i suppose second; its been a trial and tribulation for me to find any kind of beer that i like. mixed drinks have been a friend to me since i started drinking because with the liberal application of liqueur and monin flavored sugar one could mask the taste or unrefined oil as easily as one could Vodka. since i've been sampling the various ales, lagers, beers, whatevers of the various countries i've found that i prefer it if americans had little to do with its creation. Guiness, Red Stripe (num), and Stella Artois are a few, though i do like Sam Adams: White Ale but i dont consider boston an american city so much as a very far removed english province.
Next, which is in fact third, is the Brotherhood 2.0. i've found that i'm taken with video blogs. a couple years ago i cranked through ZeFranks video blog and loved every minute of it. i've now found Brotherhood 2.0; a video blog between two brothers intended to take the place of any textual communication over the course of a year. one is an award winning young adults author and the other is a blogger and web master, so they're both very well read and verbose, so i enjoy watching them entertain each other.
Fourth. Weed. i've fallen a good deal further from my raised family and religious ideals than i ever expected, but honestly i've found that taking life a little more at face value and allowing that the afterlife will be what it is and i am, at least at this stage of my life, satisfied to let this world and then next do as they please so long as they let me do the same. i've given up on a religion that has turned to proselytizing and continues to hold of on acknowledging gay marriage. i have taken allot from religion but i think that as far as my personal ethics are concerned i'll mix and match from now on. i cannot abide a dogma that, in the same breath, advocates the acceptance of all men, women, and children then deny's women place in the highest echelons of administration and gay's valid participation in the community of the faith.
okay, lets amend four as my discovery of my agnosticism. FIVE is weed. its fun, i enjoy it, and once i can get my mitts on a vaporizer it will be a truly harmless vacation for about 20$. i'm far from a pothead, but i'm not afraid of accepting this stuff into my life.
six (what would have been five) is the novel. i'm taking two reading intensive courses in this, my last semester of undergrad, and one of them is a sci-fi/fantasy course. our first book was a contemporary novel of an alternate world almost a perfect mirror of ours in the time of king alfred and his fighting off of the viking hordes. this one has faeries and magic in but i think that kay's approach to pro's is at the same time epic, while tongue and cheek enough with the seriousness of the situations that he can make you laugh just after you were cheering for your favorite hero. oh, thats another thing: he's got like four heroes and all of them are sympathetic, and at one point or another they'll be pitted against one or another of each other...heh, fuck you grammar. anyway. he composes his story in a world entirely without some outside malevolent force directing the actions of its characters. there is neither Goodness, nor Evil: simply human choice and motive. recommended indeed.
Girl talk is one of my favorite DJ's. of course i think he's one of the only DJ's i actively listen to, but he's wonderful. he takes mainstream pop music and mixes it masterfully with rap and R&B beats and lyrics so even the whitest of white boys (me) will bounce his ghe-to booty like he's being paid by the jiggle.
love to all, and i hope you're having as much fun as i am.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Catching the bug
by nature i'm very out-going and sociable: i try to ingratiate myself to whomever i'm with by being easy going and fun. sometimes it works and sometimes it just puts people off: makes them think i'm being fake when really i'm just too damn enthusiastic.
i've been watching allot of tv, reading allot of books, watching many movies...none of them have cheered me up...well except for Terry. terry does wonders for me and my rain cloud o' sullen.
i want to create something profound so i can feel as if i've GAINED anything from this huge media influx but all i can seem to do is become more and more agoraphobic and eat less food and more Junk. i just watched a patchwork re-creation of the last major season of House and it was wierd. i got the readers digest version of the huge o'er arcing over plot that persists beyond the daily "them's the sickies, make with the fixies" malarkey that keeps the med students interested...i have to say that it was jarring to watch not only my own interest flicker and flare alongside the heart rate monitors little blippy thing but to wonder at how the audience of the season paced display of all this could have been...so much death and antagonism, lost friendships and gained vicadin (this may be a mispelling but the spellcheck here is no help and i'm damned if the government gets to check me for porn AND the proper spelling of controlled substances)...dont read phillip k dick, william gibson, kurt vonnegut, terry pratchett, tom stoppard, jason robert brown, joe conrad and goddamn toni morrison all in the same break that you freebase House with Mr. Brooks and saving private ryan...it just doesnt mesh.
bah! i'm sleepy and will write more...Later *wooo*
i've been watching allot of tv, reading allot of books, watching many movies...none of them have cheered me up...well except for Terry. terry does wonders for me and my rain cloud o' sullen.
i want to create something profound so i can feel as if i've GAINED anything from this huge media influx but all i can seem to do is become more and more agoraphobic and eat less food and more Junk. i just watched a patchwork re-creation of the last major season of House and it was wierd. i got the readers digest version of the huge o'er arcing over plot that persists beyond the daily "them's the sickies, make with the fixies" malarkey that keeps the med students interested...i have to say that it was jarring to watch not only my own interest flicker and flare alongside the heart rate monitors little blippy thing but to wonder at how the audience of the season paced display of all this could have been...so much death and antagonism, lost friendships and gained vicadin (this may be a mispelling but the spellcheck here is no help and i'm damned if the government gets to check me for porn AND the proper spelling of controlled substances)...dont read phillip k dick, william gibson, kurt vonnegut, terry pratchett, tom stoppard, jason robert brown, joe conrad and goddamn toni morrison all in the same break that you freebase House with Mr. Brooks and saving private ryan...it just doesnt mesh.
bah! i'm sleepy and will write more...Later *wooo*
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Getting a little loopy
I'm a total waste when it comes to this up late malarkey.
Its 12:46 in the am of thursday and i'm bushed.
I'm back home for the holiday; trying to gather together the rather daunting list of novels(unt only novels) i need to read for the classes i'm taking next semester... woo for being a student again! i'm also vaguely encouraging my body to stop holding so steadfastly to the calories i'm so enthusiastically throwing into it. i blame my parents for loving me and wanting me to be well fed. and the government...i blame them too.
i've started drinking beverages of an alcoholic bent recently, i dunno if i've said that on here yet. it feels like a cross between the submission to an inevitable step forward alongside some sort of sullying of personal scruple. i think its something more akin to abandoning the hyper-romantic notion that i'm special for what i dont let meself do as apposed to being special for what i set out to accomplish...make sense?
i have an audition for the Contemporary American Theatre Festival this friday and i'm at the same time pumped as scared shitless. i've not done a proper audition in ages and this is one of the companies that helped cement my desire to become an actor professional-e...so theres that.
i'm exited to see faify and erika and their friends and roomates and romances though i fear that ever looming possibility of "we've all changed so much since then" and that we'll all aknowledge what had made us friends and now see between ourselves and those qualities the scabs and plaque of years or months or tragedy or growth or or some other change or obscurity...we'll see.
happy holidays to everyone and heres hoping theres so much cell phone static on january 20th that the whole damn grid collapses and President Obama can claim the throne of the newly de-technologied united states of Semaphores.
P.S. i wanna see you too, steph, but the lack of distance dulls the fear of changes in personality...weird, no?
Its 12:46 in the am of thursday and i'm bushed.
I'm back home for the holiday; trying to gather together the rather daunting list of novels(unt only novels) i need to read for the classes i'm taking next semester... woo for being a student again! i'm also vaguely encouraging my body to stop holding so steadfastly to the calories i'm so enthusiastically throwing into it. i blame my parents for loving me and wanting me to be well fed. and the government...i blame them too.
i've started drinking beverages of an alcoholic bent recently, i dunno if i've said that on here yet. it feels like a cross between the submission to an inevitable step forward alongside some sort of sullying of personal scruple. i think its something more akin to abandoning the hyper-romantic notion that i'm special for what i dont let meself do as apposed to being special for what i set out to accomplish...make sense?
i have an audition for the Contemporary American Theatre Festival this friday and i'm at the same time pumped as scared shitless. i've not done a proper audition in ages and this is one of the companies that helped cement my desire to become an actor professional-e...so theres that.
i'm exited to see faify and erika and their friends and roomates and romances though i fear that ever looming possibility of "we've all changed so much since then" and that we'll all aknowledge what had made us friends and now see between ourselves and those qualities the scabs and plaque of years or months or tragedy or growth or or some other change or obscurity...we'll see.
happy holidays to everyone and heres hoping theres so much cell phone static on january 20th that the whole damn grid collapses and President Obama can claim the throne of the newly de-technologied united states of Semaphores.
P.S. i wanna see you too, steph, but the lack of distance dulls the fear of changes in personality...weird, no?
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